My mom is a German. Her family is from Petrovaradin (which is a twin city with Novi Sad in Serbia's province of Vojvodina, with a large German minority). She is a German citizen and she lives in Germany for past 33 years and Germany is where I was born. This, however, is not enough under the German anti-immigration laws to make me a citizen. My parents divorced in a Yugoslav court when I was six and I was awarded to the foster care of my paternal grandmother. Nevertheless, by loosing a German mom from my household, I lost the claim to German citizenship. Jawoll, Herr Sturmbahnfuehrer.

My parents were obnoxious yuppies preoccupied with their silly careers, and court finally decided that they were emotionally unavailable - too busy to raise a child.